A few weeks ago, I experienced trouble getting a full night's sleep. It wasn't that I was having trouble getting to sleep at night, or even that I was waking up in the middle of the night (although that was sometimes the case - adjusting to dorm life can be difficult at first). Really, the problem was that for several days in a row, I kept waking up incredibly early - hours before my alarm was set to wake me up (at either 7AM or 8:30AM).
I'd wake up in a panic that the sun had risen and my alarm hadn't woken me up. Maybe I had overslept! Maybe I had slept through my alarm (unlikely because I'm a relatively light sleeper). Maybe I had forgotten to set my alarm to the correct time the night before (unlikely because I double or triple checked the time setting the night before).
So, after squinting at the clock and discovering that I had around a good two hours before I needed to wake up, I'd roll back over only to reawaken a short time later in the same worried state - over, and over, and over again.
One might wonder why. I'll be the first to admit that stressors and anxieties in my life were obviously taking a toll and making themselves known through my sleep patterns. However, I can't shake the parallels between my spiritual life and my lack of trust in my alarm clock.
So many times, I fail to trust in God, His provision, and His timing. I know that He is faithful, constant, and true...but when the anxieties and worries of life come and hit me, I almost immediately fall into a flurry of doubt, fear, and worry. Where is the trust?
In a small similar way, I refused to trust my alarm to wake me up in the morning. And really - it's ridiculous. I set my alarm, and then checked it at least twice. The machine won't fail...I've checked for human error...clearly we have a problem if I'm still not relying on my alarm to sound and wake me up in the morning.
And in comparison, how much more ridiculous is my lack of faith and trust in the great One who blessed people with the intelligence to design and create such a thing as an alarm?
I could further draw out an idea using the alarm clock metaphor and talk about God's timing, but I think that the real issue of my heart that I want to focus on right now is my own stupid failure to trust the only one who can ever be fully and continually relied upon.
...interesting how my own fears, failings, and anxieties bring to light both the issues of my heart and the concepts of God's greatness. The wonderful part is that even though I am fickle, distrusting, and fearful, God never gets impatient with me and only continues to prove how worthy He is of my complete trust placed in Him.
And my alarm still wakes me up in the morning.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
bed-making and Jesus
I've started making my bed in the morning.
This is different from my usual mode of operation because I typically just roll out of bed in the morning and "go". "Make my bed? Why? I've got a world to go take on, and I'll just fall into it at night only to leave it in the same state the next morning."
Of course, when I'm at home I make my bed. There is no other option.
So that's why when I leave home, I absolutely refuse to make it...
until recently.
I am now making it because I want to. Nobody asks me to. Nobody tells me to. Nobody criticizes me if it isn't made quickly enough. Simply - the girls I am rooming with make their own bed and leave me to do what I will.
And therein lies the difference. There is no judgment on me for my decisions. I am accepted.
So I make my bed because I want to. I make my bed because when it's left unkempt the room looks sloppy. I make my bed because I notice that the room looks better - prettier - and I want to do what I can to make those around me happy. I curtail my own freedom of choice in deciding whether or not to make my bed for the benefit of those around me. That's what love is, right?
It's putting aside your own self-interests for the bettering of another person.
...which brings me back to Christ - the whole "we love Him because He first loved us" bit.
Jesus didn't come to earth and say, "Hey you lousy slob - you need me. Honor me. Love me." Yes, I am in desperate need of Christ's work in my life. Yes, I am wired to honor Him, to love Him. But I didn't realize that until I understood the concept of the cross. I love Christ because He first loved me - no strings attached - in a fashion defining the term, "come as you are." I honor Christ because I have a tiny understanding of the sacrifice He made for me.
The desire to reciprocate is a natural response to the abundant, lavish outpouring of love.
And that's what I think about when I think about making my bed.
This is different from my usual mode of operation because I typically just roll out of bed in the morning and "go". "Make my bed? Why? I've got a world to go take on, and I'll just fall into it at night only to leave it in the same state the next morning."
Of course, when I'm at home I make my bed. There is no other option.
So that's why when I leave home, I absolutely refuse to make it...
until recently.
I am now making it because I want to. Nobody asks me to. Nobody tells me to. Nobody criticizes me if it isn't made quickly enough. Simply - the girls I am rooming with make their own bed and leave me to do what I will.
And therein lies the difference. There is no judgment on me for my decisions. I am accepted.
So I make my bed because I want to. I make my bed because when it's left unkempt the room looks sloppy. I make my bed because I notice that the room looks better - prettier - and I want to do what I can to make those around me happy. I curtail my own freedom of choice in deciding whether or not to make my bed for the benefit of those around me. That's what love is, right?
It's putting aside your own self-interests for the bettering of another person.
...which brings me back to Christ - the whole "we love Him because He first loved us" bit.
Jesus didn't come to earth and say, "Hey you lousy slob - you need me. Honor me. Love me." Yes, I am in desperate need of Christ's work in my life. Yes, I am wired to honor Him, to love Him. But I didn't realize that until I understood the concept of the cross. I love Christ because He first loved me - no strings attached - in a fashion defining the term, "come as you are." I honor Christ because I have a tiny understanding of the sacrifice He made for me.
The desire to reciprocate is a natural response to the abundant, lavish outpouring of love.
And that's what I think about when I think about making my bed.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
This is for JesusBranded clothing
I was prompted about why I support JesusBranded clothing.
The reason is fairly simple and straight forward: I love their creative designs. I love that their shirts are artistic. Many clothing companies produce shirts with hokey "Christianese" sayings that seem to diminish the value and serious beauty of Christ's coming to earth.
JesusBranded produces clothing that is artistic and trendy but carries a message that is timeless and lasting. The brand makes clothing that helps provide words for Christians as they provide testimony to the world through their actions.
I love that JesusBranded clothing combines the absolute beauty of the Cross with visual beauty to be worn on the body.
Check 'em out: http://www.JesusBranded.com
The reason is fairly simple and straight forward: I love their creative designs. I love that their shirts are artistic. Many clothing companies produce shirts with hokey "Christianese" sayings that seem to diminish the value and serious beauty of Christ's coming to earth.
JesusBranded produces clothing that is artistic and trendy but carries a message that is timeless and lasting. The brand makes clothing that helps provide words for Christians as they provide testimony to the world through their actions.
I love that JesusBranded clothing combines the absolute beauty of the Cross with visual beauty to be worn on the body.
Check 'em out: http://www.JesusBranded.com
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