It’s funny how pain can cut right through the mediocrity of life. Similar to beauty, it causes us to freeze, intake an involuntary gasp of breath, and sometimes shed a few (or several) uncontrolled tears.
However, we’ve become so accustomed to beauty that we often take it for granted. Or we try to twist and warp it so that we can force it to conform to our utilitarian standards.
Pain does not politely wait to be acknowledged though. It rudely intrudes at the worst moment possible – just when life was going well, when we had gotten comfortable with our routine…sleepily going through the motions of an otherwise stagnant life – void of risk, pause, or refreshment.
My step-grandpa had a stroke today. While I’m not very close with him, I know him to be a very warm, social man. He would rather risk reintroducing two people to each other five times over than to have them possibly not know one another. He loves getting people (especially family) together for what he calls “parties.”
What a shock to find out that he had a stroke today – a stroke that has left him partially paralyzed on one side of his body.
Pain makes you realize the value and fragility of life.
I hung upside down tonight, trying to stretch out an uncomfortable area in my back, and did something wrong. Out of nowhere, blinding white pain stabbed, like a hot knife, across my lower back. I have no idea what I did in that moment. I only remember the vivid, sensory memory of pain. Everything in life came to a freezing halt as reality viscerally intruded and utterly destroyed any thoughts of mediocrity.
I struggled to breathe. I gulped in a deep breath of air, trying to release the tension in my body, and opened my eyes, surprised to see the ground spotted with tears I wasn’t aware I had cried. My friend helped support me, and only when I clung to her did I realize how wet my face was.
Beauty inspires life and creation while pain makes you realize your inability to do life on your own.
Both make you realize that there is something bigger in life than “self.” Both can reveal the other. Both teach and inspire. Both are real.
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4 comments:
Wow Becca....Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I'm really very sorry about your grandpa. Unfortunately the stroke my grandfather experienced took his life altogether. I will keep him and your family in my prayers.
And I'm sorry to hear of your back pain! I've been having some of that too....but not like you described...
However, I really enjoyed your thoughts on beauty. I'm reading a book "On Beauty and Being Just" by Elaine Scarry. I might have mentioned it to you...Jon recommended it a few weeks ago at the Shift. It's very good and very philisophical. It's challenging for me, but still good. Maybe you would enjoy reading it as well and we can have a discussion. :)
I'm sorry with what happened to your step-gramps... I hope he get's better soon. I'll be saying a prayer for him.
I've also had back pain before... from a face-plant. (I tripped really bad) I realized then also that it's so easy to get hurt, physically. Looking into a mirror at times, I feel as if I'm faced with my own mortality.
I hope you heal fast of that back pain! You're a trooper anyways. HA! :-D
Lauren, I love that idea.
Aaron - "Looking into a mirror at times, I feel as if I'm faced with my own mortality."
Okay, have you been in my head? I've been thinking something exactly along those lines (or at least VERY close to that wording) lately.
Ah, no... I haven't been looking into your head. Hahahaha, that would be weird.
The frailty of life is of the flesh and of human nature (e.g. physical body and emotional longings). It's necessary for us to perpetuate life of body to it's finitude, so that we may justify our existence by glorifying God to every extent that we are capable.
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