Yes, operator, I'd like a direct line to God, please.

So, circumstances lately have left me feeling a bit flustered. That's putting it lightly. But the pain of uncertainty has had me wondering if I should just walk away. And here I shall leave things vague.

Two weeks ago I went to church with this "situation" on my mind. I picked up a bulletin for the sermon and read the title, "Know When to Run."

Fantastic! Here was my answer. It was as if God had prepped me for what I knew the sermon was going to be about. We'd been going through a series called "Christmas Through the Eyes of Skeptics." This sermon was going to be about how after Jesus was born, Joseph and Mary had to get out of town because Herod was a psycho-baby-killer - I just knew it. I sat in my seat, secretly already preparing to thank the pastor afterward for delivering to me this God-sent message that it was time to get out of my "situation."

Right. Not so much...

"Know When to Run" was apparently secretly titled, "Christmas and the Wondering Shepherds," taken from Luke 8. Instead of, "get out of Dodge," the message I got from God was, "Come to Me." Instead of a concrete "stick with it" or "run like you want to do," I was told, "If you want peace, run to me. I will put you back together."

In the end, I'm not sure that this is about whether pursuing or deserting a certain relationship will make me happy or bring me peace. God brought me a third, unseen, forgotten option instead to bring myself and my situation before Him. Only He can heal the fragmentation of my heart.

This is no quick and easy "fix-it" answer. It's an invitation to do relationship with God, to sit with Him. This invitation takes longer and does not produce what I'm initially looking for, but it's so much more substantial than anything else that I could hope for.

And in the end, I think that's the better end of the deal - a true relationship with the Person of God, as opposed to a robot dispenser-God who only gives me what I want according to when I think I want it. His love, grace, and mercy abound even when I'm not aware of it.

* * *

Fast-foward a week. (Or, look back to this Sunday.)

Circumstances haven't changed much. Again, I go to church with a heavy heart, full of strife and tumult. The normal Encounter service which I attend was combined with the Celebration service in the main sanctuary for a combined "family" worship service.

I hardly wanted to be there.

I showed up late and throughout the service listened to people from different ministries get up and give testimony to what God was doing and how they'd seen Him at work. After each speaker sat down, the worship leader would begin, "The Lord is good" and the congretation would answer, "and His love endures forever." (Taken from 2 Chronicles and from Psalm 100).

"The Lord is good, and His love endures forever."

I wish I could say that I wholeheartedly agreed and that hearing the professions of those around me moved my heart to gladness and gratefulness, but the truth of the matter is that I've had a lot of pain to deal with. I sat in anger, silently refusing to open my mouth. But, as I heard the phrase repeated over and over, my stubbornness was overcome with the truth of the statement. God's goodness and His love is eternal. The presence of turmoil does not diminish that to any degree.

Finally, I opened my lips and let fall the words, "The Lord is good and His love endures forever. At first, I spoke out of mere obedience, but the more I said it, the more the truth sunk into my heart.

My point is this: that God meets you wherever you are. He doesn't always answer the questions and grievances of your heart in a way that you want or expect Him to. He is not governed by your desires. But His steadfast love and goodness endure for you and all generations.