Grief Weary

Oh, here comes another wave I didn’t expect.

Acute grief leaves the rest of me feeling numb,
Hazy as the initial racking stabs pass and the dull ache settles in

“I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for.”
(There are so many songs about kneeling or falling down before God.)

It’s funny…the result is only that we as the worshippers fall on our knees before our Sovereign Lord. The reason for the fall isn’t there. Sure, it could be voluntary – a natural response to seeing the glory and beauty of God…but I’m in a place where I identify with a heart that is broken and exhausted. Mayhap the singers have done his or her best to go it alone in their own strength, finding themselves only more and more empty, more and more lonely, more and more wounded. The race becomes a crawl.
Me? I just feel broken – as if I’ve had my legs taken out from underneath me and all I can do is fall on my knees, begging God to be all that I live for. The kind of pain that takes you to your knees. The, “Oh God it hurts!” kind of pain.

Heartache and hardship do wonderful things for revealing the stuff swirling around in your heart, and for helping you to realign your priorities. I need God so very badly right now. Only His peace will calm my heart.

“Lord you are good and your mercies endureth forever…rejoice in the Lord always! And again I say, and again I say rejoice!”

Worship songs serve as a form of thanks in the good time, and a reminder in the bad. His mercies endureth forever. He is good. Period. With no beginning or end, He simply is. And we are called to rejoice always – because no matter what our circumstances may be, no matter how dark our night may look, His mercies and love rain down on us.

Amen.

And now for bed.