I woke up upset today. And exhausted. Exhausted and upset.
I dawdled my morning away and then took a shower until I ran out of hot water. I then planned on walking the dogs so that I could give vent of my frustrations to God and thus add to the wind that blew the clouds across the sky.
How narcissistic.
I never made it out though. Instead, I continued to waste my day away, feeling sorry for myself.
Finally, exasperated with my own immobility and tired of feeling unhappy, I packed up a couple things that I want to/need to work on and headed out the door to Starbucks. There, I got my Orange Blossom Tea Latte with soy and vanilla (my own creation) and then sat at a table and (for lack of a better word) lived.
For hours, I sketched out an idea I need to work on, took breaks by chatting with the baristas or friends who walked in, shifted over to editing a long overdue letter once I got stuck on my drawing, and then decided it was time for me to go home after I finished that. However, I instead ran into a former co-worker and ended up talking to him for about an hour about our plans for life and how we're working at getting there. He encouraged me to make the necessary steps towards going after those goals.
After all - I'm 24, have my degree, and work at Starbucks. I have dreams and goals. It's time to go.
I just got home, feeling refreshed and enlivened, still aware that I have woes...but not dwelling on them.
Nothing reminds me of the fullness of life more than actually living it.
What a sin to sit and do nothing with the great potential of life that we have.
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2 comments:
There is no sin in sitting. After all, Jesus would take extended breaks to simply "be". Sure, He would be talking to God the Father, but who says that God can't talk though a coworker? Sometimes, sitting is what we need. To catch our breaths and become aware of our emotions.
Right, but I'm not talking about resting. I'm talking about stalling out in mediocrity.
C.S. Lewis said:
“If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
In looking up that quote, I also found another by Benjamin Mays (I guess he was a contemporary of Lewis):
"It must be borne in mind that the tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is sin."
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