Friday, April 24, 2009

Lovely

–adjective
1. charmingly or exquisitely beautiful: a lovely flower.
2. having a beauty that appeals to the heart or mind as well as to the eye, as a person or a face.
3. delightful; highly pleasing: to have a lovely time.
4. of a great moral or spiritual beauty: a lovely character.
–noun
5. Informal. a beautiful woman, esp. a show girl.
6. any person or thing that is pleasing, highly satisfying, or the like: Every car in the new line is a lovely.
–adverb
7. Nonstandard. very well; splendidly.


I looked this up the other night...I didn't know that the definition would make me so happy. :)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

This is life...

and it's beautiful.

~ Irish breakfast tea
~ a joint-effort snack of cheddar cheese and wheat thin crackers
~ "I need to wear that beanie...it'll help me write my paper."
~ theological discussions
~ reading quotes of literary value
~ art and painting and discussions thereof
~ "I finished another painting!"
~ talks about wonderful boys
~ "okay, I need to focus now..."
~ good music provided by the Coldplay station on Pandora...
~ "I LOVE this song!"
~ the felt presence of the Holy Spirit

what a beautiful, joyful, life-filled all-nighter. I don't think I've ever had one this good before. I was happy to do it.

God is so good.

fight.

Do you ever feel like you're in a situation that just careens out of control like a train running down a mountain with failed breaks? Disaster is imminent: the train will jump the tracks at the next bend or it will crash into the stone side of the crag leaving a messy product of blood, sprawled limbs, and destroyed bodies. What started out as a slow and steady climb ended in death.

That's kind of what tonight felt like...

except that God showed up and saved the day.

Okay, so I'm normally a girl who likes to avoid conflict but tonight we had to deal with it. Things weren't looking good and I had just about all but given up...

and then a miracle. I don't know what happened, but I do know that there was a turn-around.

So many thanks to Ashley for being that lion of justice and for coming alongside of me and pursuing reconciliation.

So...the story ended differently. Just as the train was about to dive off the cliff at the bend in the tracks, that Holy breakman showed up and saved the day - errr, night.

This is poorly written, but I need to settle. It's strange, I've carried all this tension around with me, and now it's gone. But there's now a vacuum.

It's like a tumor: it starts out small and then grows larger and larger until it bulges under the skin with its tendrils sneaking into vital organs. Through a touchy, risky surgery, the cancerous mass is removed and the patient is saved. But a hole is left where the mass once grew and the patient has to relearn how to be comfortable being healthy.

So...that's where I'm at right now. It's a good place. It's a little unsettling, but oh I am so glad to be here.

I'm breathing free, thank you Jesus.

Okay, now I have a paper to write...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A loan means you have to give it back...

If something was never mine in the first place, then "losing" it is no longer as big of an issue, right?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Just a few thoughts before I visit the land of sleep and dreams...

1. Today was Easter. I was left with an awareness of my absolute need for Christ. You'd think that on the ONE DAY when I'm "supposed" to be a good Christian, I would be able to do it...
huh, who knew that I was only human after all?
God is so good though. So absolutely good.

2. They were right. 23 is good.

3. I found this a few days ago. I absolutely love the story-writing technique here. It's magical: Read about a journey to Iceland

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Rejoice! I can't say it enough.

Yesterday was Good Friday. In less than 2 hours it will be Easter.

Today was a delicious, beautiful gift of resting.

Life is hectic, but the Lord provides in ways that only He can. Life is dangerous...but what a beautiful adventure.

God is good.

Amen.

Monday, April 6, 2009

I'm running away from my Theology of Aesthetic paper...

I don't remember the specifics of our conversation, but I know what we were talking about. She had her back to me and was saying something sarcastic in a teasing manner. She turned around and saw the look on my face - on the brink. "Don't cry," she comforted, "you're too cute to cry." Too late, and a few large tears escaped down my cheeks.
There are people in my life whom I miss very much right now. This whole giving-it-to-God-and-praying-for-wisdom-thing is really hard. But I know it's good. And that's all I got.


On an entirely different topic, I've been thinking about inner struggles. Everybody has them. For me, it feels like there's a dragon inside that I sometimes have to just do battle with. It's a savage screaming and clawing inside. Those inner monsters - we try to suppress them and forget about them, hoping that maybe, just maybe they'll go away. But they never do. I just heard "Little House" by the Fray:

Something is scratching it's way out
Something you want to forget about

I just love the honesty of the song and how it reminds me that I still have "ish" in my life that I have to deal with. I'm not perfect. Here's a reminder - a song that even when I hear it, it stirs up feelings of strife in my heart. It's not that I want to go smash a wall or anything...it's more like I feel that "scratching" inside - a screaming - a desperate digging to get out. It's vicious.
And you know what? I'm so glad for it. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'd much rather prefer to be peaceful and serene at all times, but it reminds me to run to Christ. I need Him so much in my life.

...and now back to my paper.