I don't remember the specifics of our conversation, but I know what we were talking about. She had her back to me and was saying something sarcastic in a teasing manner. She turned around and saw the look on my face - on the brink. "Don't cry," she comforted, "you're too cute to cry." Too late, and a few large tears escaped down my cheeks.
There are people in my life whom I miss very much right now. This whole giving-it-to-God-and-praying-for-wisdom-thing is really hard. But I know it's good. And that's all I got.
On an entirely different topic, I've been thinking about inner struggles. Everybody has them. For me, it feels like there's a dragon inside that I sometimes have to just do battle with. It's a savage screaming and clawing inside. Those inner monsters - we try to suppress them and forget about them, hoping that maybe, just maybe they'll go away. But they never do. I just heard "Little House" by the Fray:
Something is scratching it's way out
Something you want to forget about
I just love the honesty of the song and how it reminds me that I still have "ish" in my life that I have to deal with. I'm not perfect. Here's a reminder - a song that even when I hear it, it stirs up feelings of strife in my heart. It's not that I want to go smash a wall or anything...it's more like I feel that "scratching" inside - a screaming - a desperate digging to get out. It's vicious.
And you know what? I'm so glad for it. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'd much rather prefer to be peaceful and serene at all times, but it reminds me to run to Christ. I need Him so much in my life.
...and now back to my paper.
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