Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Just another broken heart

I'm haunted by the words, "If it's too good to be true, it probably is."

I thought I was different. I thought I found somebody who proved that my dreams were more than just dreams - that they could be a reality. And I was ready to say, "What cynicism the world is diseased with! I found the fairy tale. I found it to be true!" I was simply waiting for the high to wear off a bit so that I could have clarity to see that things like laundry still needed to be done.

I found a man who helped me see the truth in all the love songs. Suddenly, those songs weren't just hokey, over-produced lyrics set to melody. They were real expressions of something that the heart could feel.
I'd always said I wanted to be in a relationship with a person who made the love songs feel true. And I finally had that.

At least, I thought I had that.

Someday, I'll learn better about timing, I guess.

And I know that even though I feel like I've been hit by a city bus, that I will survive this. Slowly, God and I will wade through the pain and He will help me walk again.

I'm not afraid of having a broken heart. I know what it is to feel pain...
I'm afraid of watching my dreams die. I'm afraid of hardening my heart because, honestly, this pain is exhausting.

I don't want to believe, "If it's too good to be true then it probably is," because I believe in a God of miracles. I believe in a God of love - the Creator of love - the Sharer of love as part of His character. We, made in His image, get to experience and share that too.
Love of all kinds.

I believe that the Maker of the sunrise can bring love to my heart that lights up my life.

But, oh God, in the face of watching this dream die, it's hard not to let go of the hope entirely.

No comments: